There are too many waterfalls here; the crowded streams hurry too rapidly down to the sea,
and the pressure of so many clouds on the mountaintops
makes them spill over the sides in soft slow-motion,
turning to waterfalls under our very eyes.
--For if those streaks, those mile-long, shiny, tearstains,
aren't waterfalls yet,
in a quick age or so, as ages go here,
they probably will be.
But if the streams and clouds keep travelling, travelling,
the mountains look like the hulls of capsized ships,
slime-hung and barnacled.
Think of the long trip home. Should we have stayed at home and thought of here? Where should we be today? Is it right to be watching strangers in a play in this strangest of theatres? What childishness is it that while there's a breath of life in our bodies, we are determined to rush to see the sun the other way around?
The tiniest green hummingbird in the world? To stare at some inexplicable old stonework, inexplicable and impenetrable, at any view, instantly seen and always, always delightful? Oh, must we dream our dreams and have them, too? And have we room for one more folded sunset, still quite warm?
(...)
Is it lack of imagination that makes us come
to imagined places, not just stay at home?
Or could Pascal have been not entirely right
about just sitting quietly in one's room?
Continent, city, country, society:
the choice is never wide and never free.
And here, or there . . . No. Should we have stayed at home,
I'm leaving Taiwan in about a week and the time is right to do some recap. It seems that when we leave - whether it is leaving to go abroad, or simply leaving our hometome, we tend to idealise. Change of space, facing the unknown, breaking the rutine is always a promise of changing ourselves. Just a little bit.
Well, this is what I have been fantasising about, when I knew I am going to Taiwan:
(Omg, that ice coffee is simply amazingfabulous mindblowing. I'm not an ice coffee girl. I'm not even a latte girl. I'm a no-sugar no-milk girl, Lorelai Gilmore style. But this icy something at Mimico, which I ordered as a result of misundserstanding, is c l a s s y. Velvetly smooth milk foam on the top. Strong, propery extracted espresso at the bottom. My mouth died and went to heaven. Time for some banana-chocolate waffles.)
Fantasy nr 1: "I will definately loose some weight." (Just forget the previous paragraph.) "It is hot, they have plenty of seafood, and I'll be doing tai-chi and a lot of biking."
Oyster omlette
Well, I did a lot of biking - still not enough to loose all the calories night markets offer. The amount of seafood, exotic fruits and fish I tried forces me to introduce post-Taiwan diet. As far as I know, it happens to the most of Taiwanese expats. We are enchanted by those free-standing barbecues, where they prepare the meat/fish/seafood of your choice (of course, they barbecue tofu too, but who choses tofu over green onion and bacon wrappers?). We fall in love with the oyster omelette or so-much-better-than-KFC-version fried chicken. We find comfort in a hot pot. How exactly do we do that? Well, you sit in a restaurant with a bowl of boiling broth in front of you. You put your mussels, tomatoes and mushrooms inside of it. Or cabbage. Or chicken. Or the blood pudding. (Don't worry, you're gonna like it - the same way you like a black paella. Black is attractive. Black is sexy. Black says "risk it".) It boils. It cooks. You eat. You drink. You're keeping it simple. Is there something more comforting?
Do.
So, we have enchanting, lovable and comforting food. What else? Well, I'm afraid Taiwan is no country for a sweet teeth. I know, I know, different tastes, different tastebuds, blah, blah, blah... Maybe I'm just not that into it. (Wow, two film quotes in one paragraph - cliches will soon take over my brain. Forgive me.) Don't get me wrong, I love the sweetness of soy bean jelly with tapioca pearls, I've been into rice puddings all my life and pearl milk tea won me over. But what is with the fluffly, tasteless cakes that are all over night markets? It's not even Taiwanese, for heaven's sake! They could just stick with the egg rolls. Red-kidney beans ice cream are not my thing too. Well, I'm just not a vegetable ice cream person. (And I don't believe that tomatoes are actually a fruit. Maybe Santa doesn't exist either???)
Don't.
So yes. I enjoyed food in Taiwan. Moreover, I enjoyed it so much, that my jeans suddenly became too tight. Well, I'll start a raw foods diet after I go back. Oh, wait. Christmas. After Christmas then. Oh, wait. Birthday. Birthday cake. After birthday then. Oh, wait. New Year's... Oh, screw it, somebody has to take over since Nigella lost weight, right? Fantasy number one: doomed.
Fantasy nr 2: "I'll experience a spiritual enlightment and go back enriched with zen attitude and Eastern inner poise."
Well, that was a stupid from the very begining. I guess that's a result of an Elisabeth Gilbert illusion: jump into other religion/spiritual mood/2500 years wisdom like you put on a pair of new shoes. The problem with the new shoes is... they are not comfortable. They are just not what you're used to. So you end up with your old, worn down ones, which are maybe not very fancy show-off item, but they work for you. They are a part of who you are. (Ok, enough with the religion - shoe paralel, especially since my favourite pairs of shoes are red and more Mary Magdalene than Virgin Mary like.)
I tried praying in a buddist temple. Worked. It is just a place of concentration, just like church, mosque, or Masonic Lodge... eee.. lodge? Anyways, I didn't become buddhist, but I appreciated the explanations about buddhsim, given to me by a lovely girl from Chiayi City God Temple. We didn't get into details. We talked about a girly how to find a good husband stuff and how the gods can help us. (Luckily for me, they are also useful when it comes to how to find a good job or how to love your flatmates stuff. Big relief.)
I love how we share the same anxieties all over the globe. Of course, YOU knew that before. I did know that too, but I have to see it/feel it/touch it/eat it/talk about it to believe. Travelling seems to be the only way to soothe this (does anybody know how to translate niepokój poznawczy into English?).
Fantasy nr 2: doomed.
Delusion nr 3: "I'll come back from Taiwan just like Robin came back from Argentina!"
For those of you who are not How I Met Your Mother fans (are there any people like that in here?)
(Ok, maybe that wasn't exactly my obsession, but if my best friend wants me to bring back a Latino guy, I can at least give it a try. She always wants what is best for me, right? RIGHT?)
Yet again, I'm not going back head over heels with somebody. Big deal. But when I think about it... I actually did fall in love. I am going to miss. I am going to be a miserable ice cream eater and wine drinker. Especially in the cold winter mornings I am going to wish I was some place else. As you probably guessed, I fell in love with Taiwan. Big time.
